“Are you being the woman you want to be?”
If you happened to read my first post of 2015, “A Year Without Shame,” then you may recall that I participated in Stratejoy’s Holiday Council at the end of 2014 and set my intention for a new year without shame, a year to experience la joie de vivre. In support of my 2015 theme, I carefully chose my ways of being for the year:
On a practical level, I defined my highest priority goals and supporting steps in my 2015 planner (sure do love me a good checklist!). And so began the new year with the very best of intentions and highest of aspirations, along with an ACTION plan. Fast forward at warp speed and the first half of 2015 is already behind us… WTH? Together with Molly’s global tribe, it was time to review, reflect, and renew, asking ourselves the million dollar question:
“Are you being the woman that you want to be???”
I came up with an absolutely brilliant, superbly unique, never-thought-of-before response to this question: I DON’T KNOW. Yep, that’s what I wrote in my journal. Clever, huh? Truth be told, this question really stumped me. Me, the self-help book junkie. Me, the former consultant turned coach. Me, who’s trained to ask these million dollar questions and tease responses out of my clients. I should respond with a resounding “YOU BETCHA!” backed up with a plethora of evidence, right??? After pondering my less-than-stellar response, I then scribbled “MOSTLY.” I am mostly being the woman that I want to be. MOSTLY. Not never, not always, just mostly. When it comes to being the woman I want to be, is “MOSTLY” enough?????
Initially, my inner perfectionist—who’s also known as my inner critic– told me that “mostly” wasn’t enough. “Always” is much preferable to “mostly.” When I let this voice say her piece, I heard a lot of “shoulda/woulda/coulda’s” and shaming for my shortcomings. But let’s face it: who is ALWAYS being the woman that they want to be? Besides Mother Theresa, who is ALWAYS God-conscious, authentic, joyful, creative, AND free-spirited every single second of the day? No one… because we’re human…and, more specifically, we’re women… and our lives are deliciously messy.
Fresh off of a 2.5 week summer holiday with my family, I had plenty of examples of when I behaved FAR from the woman I want to be. As Liz Gilbert eloquently describes in this Huff Post article, no matter how far I think I’ve come in my own spiritual evolution, I can completely lose sight of my desired ways of being and regress to my childhood self when I’m surrounded by my family of origin (a.k.a. Installers and Frequent Users of my “PRESS For Emotional Mess” Buttons.) Despite all attempts to embrace my ways of being (PRAY! BREATHE! VISUALIZE!) and remain lovingly detached from the dysfunction (WALK AWAY!), I eventually lose my shit. And my darling husband ends up being my “pooper-scooper” as he consoles me and assures me of who I really am…. I mean, MOSTLY am.
So, as I continued to ponder Molly’s million-dollar question, I began to appreciate being MOSTLY the woman I want to be for what it is: fluid, flexible, with room for adaptation and growth. Shall I say even a little FREE-SPIRITED??? Being MOSTLY the woman I want means I’m not putting ridiculous, unrealistic pressure on myself to be PERFECT (whatever that means!). Being MOSTLY the woman I want to be means that I accept I will continue to make mistakes and learn from them. Being MOSTLY the woman I want to be means that I’m self-aware enough to realize when I falter, forgive myself, and guide myself back towards being the woman that I want to be… the woman that I MOSTLY am. And that IS enough.
I Am Enough
(Note: This is based on Stratejoy’s Joy Challenge Day 1: Develop Fierce Self-Love writing prompt. My responses are underlined. You can write your own by clicking on this link. All credit goes to Molly Mahar and her team at Stratejoy for this great prompt about enoughness!)
I am full of love, light, and courage. I never give up. I radiate acceptance, joy, and peace. I struggle with shame and self-doubt.
And through it all, I am enough.
I am a woman who needs inspiration, trust, and faith. I am a woman who wants to dream big, dare greatly, and live wild and free. I am a woman who accepts imperfection. I am a woman who believes in miracles.
I am a woman. I am enough.
Sometimes I stumble, and sometimes I soar. It is hard for me when life is uncertain and I can’t see the way forward. And my heart sings when I let go and trust God to lead the way.
I am beautiful and broken and whole and loved.
I am always enough.
Are you being the woman that you want to be? How do you define who you want to be? How do you assess yourself against your “ideal” you? Who/what supports you in being this woman? Who/what gets in your way? I’d love to hear from you- feel free to message me (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you want to chat!
For more about Molly Mahar of Stratejoy and her fabulous groups and courses (The Joy Equation, The Council, Summer Camp, Elevate Mastermind), please visit www.stratejoy.com. Sign up for her newsletter to join her tribe and access her freebies!